Here it is sports fans…..the final installment of the year.
Los Galacticos 6 – 3 BRUIN Academy
Kasumu (3) Armstrong
Crowley (2) Casey
As you are all well aware, two tribes went to war last night on the mean streets of Bermondsey. I have witnessed some historic battles in my time, notably the East Cowes / West Cowes turf wars of the Isle of Wight in the mid 90s, but this was a new level of rivalry. The stadium was a cauldron of tension, you could cut the atmosphere with a knife, and despite the terrible weather conditions the beautiful game was played out to the highest standard. However, despite many predicting a cagey encounter in which the fitness of the Academy might prevail, the Consultants romped to a resounding victory, and really confirmed our status as true giants of the sport.
The first half resembled two heavyweight boxers sizing each other up, but once Los Galacticos starting knocking it around it was only ending one way. Despite this, the first half ended in a tie, the most controversial tie since Neil’s lime green crime against fashion. The scoring was opened after the most beautiful team goal ever witnessed – total football doesn’t get close to describing the Blitzkrieg that the Consultants unleashed. Starting with Webster at the back, every player had a touch in a flowing attack which was rounded off by a clinical Crowley finish that rocketed in off the post past a hapless Nash in goal. Only a defensive error from the otherwise immaculate Galacticos back-line meant that it ended level at the break 2-2.
The second half was a mutilation, and at one point Los Galcticos were considering bringing Webster out of nets for an outfield cameo, it was that comfortable. Despite a wonder goal from Rendell, the Academy never threatened, and the game ended with Los Galacticos knocking it around to the sound of ole’s from the appreciative and knowledgeable crowd. It was a gutsy performance from the young pretenders, but in the end ability and tactical nous was the difference as the Consultants did all their talking on the hallowed turf.
• Webster – an absolute giant in goal, playing like a more accomplished Manuel Neuer. Sweeping up like a cleaner on speed and distributing the ball with admirable nonchalance. He was rarely tested despite conceding 3, and only got beaten by the Rendell rocket as his mind shifted towards the well deserved post match pie and pint
• Jonny Ross – one word, colossal. Our very own Tony Adams, first to every ball and first to the bar. One of footballs real academics and a pleasure to play alongside. The only slight negative was blasting a rock hard football in my fruit ‘n’ veg from point blank range, a target he couldn’t miss to be fair
• Kasumu – Had a blinding game, and genuine candidate for man of the match with a hat-trick of the highest order. Question marks around whether this guy ever played semi-pro football, but he had a belter nonetheless
• Crowley – feed the Crow and he will score, still so true despite the journeyman’s increasing years. He was clinical, with 2 strikes that Bob Crow would be proud of. A natural finisher with the competitive edge that made the difference, a class act
• Goodisr – Gepetto in the middle of the park, a real puppet master. A complete player who won every challenge and knocked the ball around with precision. The goal was the icing on the best cake he had ever eaten.
• Kelly Kilbane – what a luxury to have on the bench, a man with mercurial talent. The knees might be packing in but the mind never forgets, what he did do was immaculate
• Conor – ol’ glass ankles himself. His pedigree in Compliance made him the obvious choice for captain, and it made him a pain in our CASS all game. He even managed to get on the score-sheet despite his team having EMIR 3 shots on target all game. Despite the humiliating defeat he remained enthusiastic, especially when leaving to get his northern mitts on some Brazilian UCITS (apologies for the smut this just had to go in)
• Not so safe hands Nash – it was pretty even when he was in goal, but not so much when he was outfield. Read into this as you wish.
• Fletcher – any man that wears an alice band MUST be a good footballer, and the jury is still out. That said he was a genius on the ball, and definitely pushing for a place in the 1st team squad come the new season
• Will – imperious throughout and made runs that only Jonny Ross could deal with. Some say he wasn’t utilised enough by those around him, but a credible debut especially for a rugby player
• Rendell – he was the bright spark in an otherwise lacklustre performance. He scored an absolute peach that was more akin to Los Galacticos, leaving Webster bamboozled from 20 yards
• Casey – still better at headhunting than football, but did chip in with a classy finish before half-time. But with Jonny as his tutor how can this guy not excel
• Gosnold – his lack of decision making was emphasised but his purple top in an otherwise all white team, and ineffective would be a complement. Never got the service required to get on the scoresheet, but did a great job of passing me Heinekens in the boozer afterwards so top-performer in my eyes
Special mention to Naz for refereeing. Despite his one rule being no handballs, it was like a game of volleyball at times. That said he kept some feisty players under control and allowed us to express ourselves. Stirling job in difficult conditions.
In short it was a bloodbath, and the Consultants were deserved winners. There is already talk about a rematch, but right now we can just eat and drink like kings and savor a special moment in our footballing careers.
• Man of the Match – Jonny Ross
• Goal of the game – James Rendell
• Golden Ball – Phil Kasumu
• Golden Glove – Webster